Disclaimer: Transcripts were generated automatically and may contain inaccuracies and errors.
This is the Work Smart Hypnosis Podcast. Session number 73, Rethinking Rapport. Welcome to the Work Smart Hypnosis Podcast with Jason Lynette, your professional resource for hypnosis training and outstanding business success. Here’s your host, Jason Lynette. Hey, it’s Jason Lynette here, and I want to thank you all so much for joining me on this week’s podcast session.
We’re doing something kind of interesting this go around because chances are you might have already interacted with this content as I did this as a Facebook Live broadcast back on August 5th, around 10 30 in the morning, Eastern Standard time, though the podcast itself is launching a little bit later.
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So as we’re working with clients, And especially for those of you out there that are stage heists, there’s a topic I wanna spend some time on here with you today that in many ways, I would comfortably say perhaps is introduced in a lot of hypnosis Trainings is gone into massive detail in a lot of NLP trainings, though it’s a category of work that first of all has been bastardized.
In its typical training, this category of building rapport, the category that I should do things in the course of my interaction with you to get you to know, like, and trust me, which is a good value. It’s a good thing to bring to your process. However, there’s a bit of a challenge with it. The statement would become, the question would become, are you building rapport with the desired state of.
So let me pose some scenarios to you. Let me pose some examples to you, which perhaps as the title of this program today will be. Are you thinking about rapport hypnotically in the desired place? So Dan in the room commented that he’s both therapist as well as stage. So let me give you an example of this.
So here I am working with a client and they come in. And perhaps the attitude, perhaps the demeanor, perhaps the state that they’re bringing into the process is that one of being stuck inside of the problem. . So it’s a moment where no matter what I’m asking the client, and a great example of this is I’m always sorting for the question of how would you rather feel?
How would you rather things be playing out differently? And there are many times where you can ask that question and your hypnotherapy, your consulting hypnotist client may pop up and their response is back to the problem. . Well, the other day this happened and this was a problem. So here’s an example of someone who I worked with for, for the first time yesterday.
So as you’re in school now and you’d like to be speaking with more confidence, how would you rather be feeling? And it’s a moment where they may respond. Oh, and last week in my class this happened, which first of all, From a simple nuts and bolts perspective. Take note, they are not answering your question.
They have disassociated out of your change outcome based question to instead associate back into the problem state. So if we as hypnotist. And we’ll talk about this in a few moments. If we as hypnotists have this data, bank of strategies and techniques that we can use with our client to establish rapport, to establish this symbiology, this flow, this, uh, lubricant of positive conversation, as it were, is that the desired state of.
Perhaps not. Here’s an example. Now he’s back in the news though, fading away as the political cycle has once again passed him over. And I say that without taking any, uh, preference to either side, though it’s a moment about four years ago. It’s the election cycle. And here’s this woman in my office wanting to quit smoking.
and in the style of many others. I learned this from, uh, Melissa Tears, and though in many ways it starts the process off in the great way of, So what would you like to change today? She’s in front of me to quit smoking. Now I clearly know she’s in front of me to quit smoking this client. I’ve asked a question, What would you like to change today?
And what is she now saying? I am so mad at that woman that NT Gingrich divorced years ago. I’m glad he left her. Which is not, again, in rapport with the process that we’re about to embark upon. Instead, she’s dissociated and associated back into something else, which to draw some roadmaps as to what’s possible here.
I could step into that issue and then navigator back. though I want you to hear this next statement because this is where we’re about to go. In this program here today of rethinking rapport. This becomes a moment where instead of building rapport, I’m going to work to intentionally break rapport in a positive and respectful way.
Hear that disclaimer carefully. I’m going to work to break rapport in order to regain it the way that it should have been gained in the first. . We’ll get to that a little bit later. Here’s a moment where, uh, Dan mentioned that he’s both a stage hypnotist as well as a therapist, and there’s Travis. Travis who.
Had a wonderful breakfast with at two in the morning at a Sherry’s in Portland, Oregon, as he and I were both out there doing stage hypnosis programs years ago. Travis is actually out there in Oregon and I was visiting the area. So it’s a moment where I’m doing a stage hypnosis show and I’m beginning the program with a step of compliance.
Everybody feet flat on the floor if they reach mine. Don’t You all are taller than I am. Ha ha ha. Isn’t he funny? He says the same damn thing every show, and, uh, hands in your lap so they aren’t touching eyes focused up on me. And from this point forward, there’s one simple rule in the program. I want you to keep your full focus and respect with me.
If you talk to somebody else up on stage, it means you’re distracting someone else who wants to be up here. And if that’s the case, we’re just gonna send you back to the audience, nod your head as you understand. So, and that’s as far as I go into the moment of establishing the rules, setting the boundaries of that program.
Conveniently said, Here’s a moment, a couple of months ago, it’s the, uh, high school prom and grad season, and I do that. And here’s this one on the end that is not doing that. She is not following my compliance. Get ready. And the principal, as I would put it in that environment, if I do not have your compliance before the process ever begins, how do you think it’s gonna go?
Once I’m actually into the process? . That’s why this is that important. So it becomes a moment where I’m building rapport with everybody else. I’m smiling, I’m interacting. We’ll talk specific strategies here at a few moments about matching, about mirroring, about crossover matching and mirroring, as well as some next level thinking to take your rapport building strateg.
To the next level. So I’m doing that with everybody else yet. Here’s this one on the end that is not with me. In that moment rethinking rapport. I am going to break rapport in that moment in order to regain rapport the way that it should have been gained in the first place. Deborah just commented, Love that quote.
Nod your head as you understand instead of when you understand. Ooh, thank you, Deborah. Let’s go off on this tangent for a moment. Absolutely. . We as hypnotists need to stop iffing our clients Iffing, I F F I N G. So let me give you an example. Inside of the hypnotic workers content, there’s a full reinvention of love anesthesia, borrowing themes from the hypno birthing protocol, and taking this classic pain relief strategy.
Into anxiety relief, into fear relief, and it’s a moment where I’m lightly grazing the back of the client’s head with my fingertip. And rather than play the game of waiting for that anesthetic, that numbing, that tingling sensation to establish instead, we as can lead like crazy when it’s appropriate to lead.
So exactly, Deborah, what you just commented on, rather than when you feel that numbing sensation establishing in that hand, rather than setting the fuse and not knowing how long that thing is gonna take to burn. Instead, I’m going to guide you there immediately. And as you feel that sensation on the back of your hand, nod your head.
And as you understand this, as I pick up the hand and drop, let’s say it’s a day, Val induction, any moment that I can to transition away from if and instead into should it makes your language so much more persuasive. , and to put it in the context of this moment, that ain’t hypnosis. Well, it’s, it’s persuasive in nature, yet it’s a moment where, what am I doing?
I’m guiding you to the next step. And by doing so, helping you to arrive at the desired state even faster. So Deborah, you’re right, it fits into this theme of rapport wonderfully, because we’re guiding them to the desired state. And as you let your eyelids close, that just helps you to relax even further.
Let’s take the moment. Let’s go inside of a Dave Development induction for a moment, which would be the moment of if they’re gone, nod your head when they’re gone. Let me know. Always be leading. That’s my principle. We start permissive, but we find that beautiful place to transition, authoritative in our hypnotic process because that’s what they’re there for.
So as we do that, that’s gonna guide them to the desired. So what if it’s a day development induction? And I am not going to let you go past 94. Now, this is a bit of a tangent off of the rapport content that I’m chatting about here with everybody here today, though it’s a place of, if I get them down to 94.
Good pause there. You’re doing great. And as I pick up that hand, take all those remaining bits and pieces and as the hand falls, make them go and as they’re gone. Nod your head. So there’s a moment for those of you that were at Hypno Thoughts Live. In 2014, I did a Dave Elman discussion panel with myself, Cheryl, Larry Elman, of course, Sean, Michael Andrews, uh, Teresa Zeller, Seth, Deborah Roth, Michael Elner, and uh, Roy Hunter.
And I may be blanking on some names, but I’ll give full credit to John Hall, a student who was in the room who eventually took the class with Cheryl and Larry, myself, and he was asking about that, losing the numbers. . And the question was, does that create some manism or does that discover some manism? And my honest answer, yes.
So as we’re building rapport, are we creating rapport or are we discovering rapport? Yes. That’s the point that’s there. MJ State Control to have it. You must go there first. Oh my God, absolutely. You must go there first. The webinar that we just did, Straight Line Transformation. If you are not a part of that webinar cycle, just shoot me an email, [email protected] or shoot me a message on Facebook.
I’ll give you access to the replay of that. But in many ways, you go first, you bring ’em along for the. So back to that stage hypnosis, uh, loop that we haven’t tied up a little while ago. Here’s this girl on stage and she is not following my compliance. Get ready in the early stages of the process. So it’s a moment where I’m going to drop my friendly jovial.
My stage hypnosis, uh, mindset is, uh, for the musical theater nerds out there. I am going Harold. The music man, he’s the one conducting all the kids and he’s the one using the power of influence and imagination to have them playing instruments that they never knew they could play. So the moment I step on stage, I’m Harold Hill.
That’s my demeanor and a stage hypnosis environment back to kind of like a pen and teller, just a guy who knows a couple of cool tricks. That’s how I present it. So it’s a moment where, here’s that personality. Here we are having fun and can you hear me all? Okay, good. Just wanted to make sure cuz I just asked you to sit with your feet flat on the floor, hands in your lap.
Okay, good. Just, just checking in. I wanna, I wanna keep you up here and I know you wanna have some fun up here too. Are we good? Okay, great. And now we’re back into the program. It’s that deer in the headlights moment. That I really want her to have in that experience because again, if I do not have the compliance at that part of the experience, how do you think the rest of it is going to go?
So it’s a moment where, here’s my client, She’s in my office to quit smoking, and I’ve asked her, What do you want to change today? Now I know for a fact she wants to quit smoking. And here she is talking about her anger at Newt Gingrich’s ex-wife four years ago than this was four years ago in the election cycle.
And it’s a moment where one of my favorite strategies, and I, I’m amused by using negative language in a positive way. And I do not use this terminology in speaking with my client, but it’s a moment where I just played dumb. I just played dumb. I looked at her forms. I sat there in silence for a moment and just simply asked the question, I’m sorry, I’m confused.
Is this what you wanted to work on today? And you saw this ooh, kind of moment, this beautiful pattern interrupt that organically occurred, and in that moment then what happened? We were back on track. We were back on that path towards the change. So exactly what MJ mentioned to have it. You must go there.
I stepped back onto that line, I stepped back onto that process of the change, and by doing so, got the process back on track. So let’s sidebar for a moment and let’s go back to some of our original training in terms of rapport. Now this is something that, as I mentioned, In my opinion, I think the sales environments have bastardized the way that we talk about rapport.
To really go back to the histories of rapport, whether you’re looking at Bandler and Grender in the early formative years of NLP neurolinguistic programming, there’s this aspect of studying people who were naturally already in rapport, and what were those things they were naturally doing. To maintain that.
So they were sitting in similar ways. They were using similar words. They were using, not perhaps exact gestures, but gestures of a similar style. The, the pacing of their language, you know, the tonality, the rhythm of it was something that was a little different from one person to. . So these concepts of rapport were, again, strategies and techniques that were not invented, they were instead discovered.
And to always have that as a filter of this process, I think is imperative because if you’ve ever gone through any sort of sales training and, uh, Dan Bowen has, Jane has joined. I thought I tagged this to only bi hypnotist. Dan is a magician. Hey Dan. What up? It’s a moment where even inside of the magic community, there’s conversations of rapport building strategies.
You gotta walk up to a table and do slight of hand magic, and you’ve gotta interrupt their meal or swoop in while they’re trying to have the conversation and go, Hey, let me stick this S in your hand. Hey, let me stop you from holding hands with your lovely girlfriend there to have you select a. within any interaction, within any business, within any profession, rapport is an important category.
So these are techniques that were discovered rather than being created. So if you’ve ever gone through any sort of sales training, they would perhaps present this in the mindset of do these things and people will like you, and by doing that, they are now gonna be more likely buying from. Which in many ways inspired a whole lot of people out there doing this crap badly.
You know, you’ve maybe been on the other side of this at some point. There’s a story I may have shared elsewhere online. It’s a moment where I am not a car person at all. I really don’t know much about them. I’m the one who would often shop based on, I like the way that one looks, and that really is what it comes down to.
I drive. Uh, I think it’s a 2010 Cion. Xb. They’re kind of boxy cars, and I think it’s a Toyota company. I don’t think they’re making them anymore, but I knew the model from 2009 backwards was really weird and boxy looking. But the one from 2010 onwards was a little bit more well rounded, just a little more aesthetically, uh, pleasing.
And, uh, I didn’t know that. Apparently those are really hard to find used. So that’s the car that I drive now, and I’d put some feelers out to local, uh, dealerships. And finally someone called, We got it and checked this out. What’s the color of that bluish green car? Hypnotic blue. Oh, it was sold like that.
So I do have the track record that whenever I’ve decided I wanted to trade in my car and get another used car, which is what I’ve always done. One shot and I got it. So it’s a moment where I called this dealer up and go. I’ve been looking for a cion xb, I’ve heard that you have one on your lot with the mileage that I’m looking for.
The price looks good. Can I come check it? and he recognized me from the business training that I do. He recognized me as being a sophisticated buyer, as unsophisticated as I am with cars. I was sophisticated because I knew exactly what I was coming in for. Now, the opposite of the story is when we were trading in my wife’s, uh, SUV for a Honda Odyssey minivan, and we knew that.
Similar to the other story, we wanted the model from 2011 onward because it was a little shorter. Better gas mileage and the TV in the back of the minivan was a little nicer. We’ve got a three year old and a five year old, and that’s how we turn road trips into time travel. So we did some research and we found out that the Honda dealership in Fairfax, Virginia had three of the exact car that we wanted, the 2011 Honda Odyssey Touring Elite model.
That’s the model with the automatic doors and the TV in the back is wide. . Now, at this point in time, we had a one year old and a three year old, and I said something that to this day I regret, but I stand by. As I looked at Michelle, I looked at my wife and I said, You stay at home with the kids. We know this is the car that we want.
They’ve got three of them all within a similar price point, so let me just go check them all out and I’ll bring home the one. You know, the best of the three, We already have the, the financing set up through Capital One. So it’s really the, any mini mining mo This one has less scratches. This one has less mileage.
You know, they were within a close enough price point that financing the car for six years, you know, it was a difference of pennies on the monthly payment. So I give you this as back. Because I say to her, You stay home with the kids, I’ll go bring home the car. Now this is the car she’s gonna be driving.
So how do you think that went over in a very positive way. No, I’m coming with you. Okay, so whole family’s there, and here’s this sales man who is now launching into his sales strategies. Oh, you want something safe? Don’t. . Yeah, of course we do. We’re buying one of the many vans with the highest safety ratings in the market.
Well, you know, it’s got the TV in the back, so that way for the kids along. Yeah, I, I, I know. Thank you. And, uh, we’re here looking only at the touring elite model because the TV and that one is wide screen and it’s about 10 minutes in. And Michelle and the kids, my wife goes, There’s a shopping center across the street.
Just, just call me when you’re. So here he is trying to do all this rapport building stuff that he’s probably learned from some sort of sales training. Doing it for the sake of doing it, as opposed to, well go back to the Kevin Cole podcast, recognizing what my strategy was and where I was in that experience.
I didn’t need all of that. I want that one. Sign the paper. Here’s the check from Capital One game over. So let’s pause for a moment here. Let me grab a refreshing drip sip here. It’s morning so it’s not decaf this. Let’s talk about some rapport building strategies for those of you that is, this is new to rapport building.
First of all, there’s a concept of, we’ll group the two together of mirroring and matching The concepts of this is imagine that in front of you. And for those of you on the Facebook live stream, you can see me, for those of you listening to the podcast a little bit later. Go to the work smart hypnosis.com website and we’ll link over to the Facebook video of this.
I’ll try to grab it in some way. I’ve never done this before. The concept of mirroring is imagine as if you were looking in a mirror image of yourself. And if my right hand is moving in a gesture right now, for those of you without a visual, my palm is facing forward and I’m moving the hand forward and back.
Think of the, uh, moment of standing in front of a. My right would be your left and you would be doing the exact same gesture that I am at the exact same time as if it were a mirror image. There’s the classic scene, I forget which Mark’s brothers movie. It was where both Harpo and Grouch show were dressed in, uh, nighttime pajamas as if there’s any other form of pajamas, but they were dressed in nighttime pajamas and it’s the moment of Groucho realizing that’s not a mirror, that’s another person mimicking.
It’s that experience. So that was talking about in terms of physicality, but we can mirror, we can begin to breathe at the same pace as somebody else. If they lean in, we can lean in. And the premise behind this is, is that if people who are naturally in rapport with each other naturally begin to do some of the same things, we can begin to modify our physiology, our vocabulary, our gestures in such a.
That begins to entrain that other person’s unconscious processing to, as I like to say it, not quite fake it till you make it, but instead to fool the neurology that we are already in rapport. That’s the principle behind this. Now there’s matching. Matching is like mirroring, yet the difference is it’s no longer an exact mirror.
So if I gesture with my right hand, you may gesture with your left. . Now it’s gonna be a similar action. It’s gonna be the same action, but instead of being that mirror image, there is a sidebar here to discuss, which would be that some people would say mirroring is more hypnotic in nature. Matching is more hypnotic in nature.
Mirroring is more persuasive. Matching is more persuasive. And I would say that the real answer is that everything out there is state and strategy dependent. So rather than saying this one is better than that one. You always need to calibrate to the individual and notice what gets the best response. The next level side of mirroring and matching would be the concept of a crossover, which would be that if you start tapping your hand on the table, I may start tapping my foot on the floor, so it’s gonna be something of a similar flavor.
Something of a similar nature. So think of the easiest metaphor would be you’re out to, uh, ice cream store with a good friend and they order the raspberry so bayt and you really want raspberry so bayt, but oh, rats. They’re out of it. So you order the orange shert. Okay, well shert for is made with dairy.
Sobe is not, but at least it’s. , you’ve got something similar as opposed to this one orders the uh, Rocky Road ice cream and you order the hot dog. Where the hell did that come from? So that’d be a form of a crossover. There’s also the next level side of it of adding in a time delay, which would be the aspect of you make a gesture.
and a little while later as if you are establishing a data bank, as if you are establishing a working vernacular, a working vocabulary of the things that you and I can do together. You gesture with your hand and you nod, and a little bit later I do a similar gesture, maybe a little bit lower, and I nod at the same way, which again, use the terminology that I love of fooling the neurology as if we already have that.
Now it’s not, of course, just gestures. We can begin to breathe at the same pace. We can begin to gesture a hand at the pace that somebody is breathing. If they use a word which is unique, we can begin to use that word as well. Now, tonality and voice is an interesting concept because while if I’m sitting down with you and I’m looking in the room to see who’s here, and uh, I don’t have anyone I can give an example of.
But if there was someone in the room who had a pretty pronounced. You know, if it’s a southern accent and it’s a little bit more of the GTE style, and this is why I never did accents in the theater career, but if they’re a little like that, it’d be a little false for me to go. I’m going a little too Tennessee Williams on that one.
If I’m going into that, it’s a little too false cuz now I’m mimicking you, I’m monkeying you. But if this is your kind of pace, I may actually just begin to slow down my pacing of speech in such a way that I’m using my own natural voice, yet I’m now matching the tonality. I’m also bringing in some of the musicality of your voice in such a way that I’m not pretending to speak exactly as you are because that turns in the moment.
That hell are you doing. So don’t do that to people. So be aware of this. The question, Andy Smith, out of the uk, which by the way, Andy Smith, practical nlp, another hypnosis podcast that’s out there, Check it out. It’s outstanding. I think I learned this from one of Andy’s books. What speed is this person running at?
What pace is this person running at? And that’s a really great way of thinking about how do we establish. , how do we establish rapport? So let me sidebar this for a moment, which, uh, I believe this concept was one that I discovered. Now, I mentioned the theater career from about 2004, really earlier than that 2000.
Well, I went into college in 2001 for theatrical management. And out of that career I then moved into working in professional theater. Now, I wasn’t an actor, director or designer. It was basically my job to make all the creative people get along. And if that’s not psychological training, I don’t know what is.
So nonprofit arts was nonprofit for everybody, so, um, To round out the paycheck, I would work at this regional company. I would work in a regional theater. Uh, I was at Baltimore Center stage for a number of years working with various Tony Award-winning directors, designers, actors before getting fed up and putting in my notice and never looking back as a hypnotist.
So I mentioned that because in the Washington DC area, it would occasionally pop up that I would get the opportunity to manage or work production on a political fundraiser. Not to bring the business side into it, but, uh, working one political event on a Sunday would basically pay me the same as three weeks of, uh, production theater.
Cause nonprofit arts was nonprofit for everybody. So I tell you that because here’s a moment where interacting with big name people, interacting with celebrities and politicians, and having to tell former presidents. Mr. President, you can’t stand there because they’re scenery about to fly in and I don’t want to be on the news.
This is the inappropriate moment where I get to tell you the story of standing in a Euro note next to, uh, Wolf Blitzer and going, You must be a very patient man, and all he does is just sigh. Yeah, we’ll leave it at that. So I bring up this background of working inside of. because the concept would be for anybody.
And be aware, I’m about to launch into some sort of medical metaphorical story that honestly has nothing to do with theater and has everything to do with learning rapport. It’s a moment I’m working. Uh, I forget the play though. Uh, an actor who is in this play, uh, I may be blanking on the first name.
Either Donald or Steven Margolies. One of them was playwright and the other was the mayor in the Ghostbusters. I forget which one was which. Someone fact checked me on that. Either way, the last name was Martese and he recently did pass away sadly, but he was in his late eighties and had a great life. So it’s this play with a bunch of actors on stage and Donald and or Steven, whichever it martese it was, was this guy.
I mean, movies. Production theater, but the play also had younger actors in it, which you might imagine the younger actors were fresh out of grad school, so they weren’t quite as seasoned. Now whether you’ve been involved in professional theater or not, it’s a moment where back to a school play, back to a church, play, whatever, get up on stage and put on the show.
My uncle has a bar, and we can do the show there. Whatever your experience of theatrical production may be, whether it’s sophisticated or non sophisticated, . It’s a moment where this director, Tony Award winning director, is telling this young actor, maybe 22, 23 years old. I want you to stand over here and face upstage, which what that means in theatrical language is have your back to the audience, which again, if you’ve been involved with any sort of theater, in any sort of mechanism, in any way whatsoever, that is rule number one.
Make sure the audience can see your face. . So this young actor is now pleading with the director, Well, what if I stand over here? Well, what if I say it this way? Basically, it became pretty clear he was trying to find a reason to stand with his face to the audience. I mean, you have to think it was maybe appealing to his ego in some way, maybe even practicality in our modern educational environment.
I know this person now, and he’s an advocate for this here. He was $60,000 in debt from grad school, and here he was in his first professional theatrical production. with his agent, with his parents, with everybody who loved and cared for him coming to see him and there he was and his brand new premier role standing with his back to the audience.
No wonder he was pleading. So it’s an interesting moment where the director picked up on what was going on. Director gets up, be from behind the folding table in the rehearsal hall, walks up to this young actor and says to him, Hey, Fred. Fred, I’m giving you a gift. because on the next page you have that line about, and the director fed him the line and she says to him, he, I’m combining stories now.
They say to him, I’m giving you a gift because the moment before you deliver that line, on the next page, I’m gonna have you rapidly turn around with your face to the audience. You see, by doing that, everybody in the audience. We’ll be looking directly at you. There will not be a person in the audience who is not locked on you in that moment, and by doing that, they are going to hear you loudly and wonderfully, beautifully.
Say that line, which that line sets up the context for the entire play, Fred, if they miss your line, they’re not gonna understand the next three hours of what’s going on. Fred, I’m giving you another introduction. I’m giving you another entrance, and by doing that everybody in the audience is gonna be watching you.
Fred was all smiles and the end of the story is that the rest of the rehearsal process was kind of funny as Fred was now fighting for more reasons to turn his back on the audience. I love that experience. I love that story. And, um, I still tease this guy for it. I was some friends with him to this day, uh, through wonders of Facebook.
So I want you to think about that story for a moment. He was breaking rapport with the audience. He was turning away, and in that moment, he stepped forward, he turned face, the entire audience now looked at him, and in that moment, he had full command of that stage. So I want you to think for a moment, whether you’re a stage hypnotist, whether you’re a hypnotherapist, whether you’re even a street or any kind of hypnotist.
Have there been moments where you did not have the desired state of mind and we could begin to try to butt heads and fight for that rapport? Or can we instead break rapport? , and by doing so, regain it the way it should have been gained in the first place. That’s what I’m here with you to chat about in this program here today of rethinking rapport.
So I tell you some examples. I’ll tell you some examples of how this has been done badly, either by me or other people that I’ve witnessed. Do this before, or I’ll even give you some examples of how you can start to fold this into your process right away. I’ll give you a story of someone who was demoing a mechanism of breaking rapport and a meet.
And we’ll leave the name out, but I see Matthew is here in the room. And Matthew, I think you were here for this so you could fill in the gaps as to who this was that was speaking though. It’s a moment where he’s interacting with a person and I mean, this was insensitive. I get the intention, but he did it badly.
Not Matthew, the person who was presenting that day at this, uh, local meetup where she starts to go into a. You know, she’s in waking State conversation, but she’s going into that emotional state and he suddenly looks at her hypnotist practitioner, demo instructor that day. He looks at her and he says, Oh, I love your blouse.
Where did you get it? Which at that point, I have to say it, and Matthew, I think you were in the room for this. He lost the audience. It was such an insensitive moment. It was just the non sequitor of squirrel . It was that moment. It was breaking rapport, but going a little too far out of the loop, a little too ar too far off the line when instead it’s this place of, Now I want you to make use of a little bit of language here.
There’s a bit of a challenge with, I know what you. , you’ll see that often in a sales environment. You can beautifully break rapport by saying, I know what you’re thinking because you don’t. Instead, we can use a bit of a loss performative to use an NLP strategy. Now some people at this point might be thinking, fill in the blank, and now they may sort themselves into that category of those some people.
So if you have the, I know what you’re thinking. Language pattern in whatever you say to people in your presentations or in your websites. Get rid of it. Instead, use the loss performative. Some people may be thinking this at this point, so it’s another moment where, again, I’m gonna wanna stay within the spectrum of the conversation, but I wanna break rapport with that state of mind you’ve now established on your own to instead build rapport with the way that I want it to.
So it’s a place of why do I bring up the mistake of, I know what you’re thinking because it’s the challenge of the phrase I understand. To say I understand what you’re going through. No, you cannot possibly. No, you can’t. So it’s instead, I’m gonna wanna make use of artfully vague language, which may imply that I understand yet it’s going to acknowledge and allow me to reenter the simplest.
I hear what you’re saying. Easiest one you could possibly use. We often talk about the uh, agreement frame inside of NLP cuz they think you’re really smart. But ooh, no. Use your butt wisely. So this is a place where, if I use the word, but the word but negates everything I just said and the Dave Elman model, there was something he would train doctors and nurses.
You’ll know I’m working over here, but nothing will bother or disturb. That was an intentional, but, so think about a client who maybe is back in your office at the second appointment and they have gone from, I had this last week, they have gone from two packs a day down to like two or three cigarettes a day.
That’s a massive leap. Fantastic. We just have to knock out the rest. Yet, if I’m butting my client, I could be negating the sex success that they’ve already had. You’ve done fantastic, and today we can go even. That’s an and so what do I do? She’s now off the line. She’s now off the track of where I want the process to go, rather than I understand.
Rather than, And I hear what you’re saying. But let me ask you that question again, and I may quantify it, I may qualify it because sometimes, Ooh, because go back to Robert Houdini’s, uh, book Influence. I’ll, I’ll link to that over in the show notes [email protected]. Fantastic book. The Word because is amazingly powerful.
Subscribe to the Work Smart Hypnosis YouTube channel. There’s a video over there called Tonality, Compliance and Positioning. There’s a whole lecture on the power of the word. I hear what you’re saying, but sometimes I ask you that question and to get the answer to that specific question, that’s what I need to help you.
And uh, so it’s a moment where I’m breaking rapport with that state that she went into, if that’s my desired goal. But let me ask you that. How would you rather feel? And now I’m gonna break away. So Deborah in the room, omg. I finally figure out why Igor referring to Igor Ledowski starts hypnotizing while turned away from, and then suddenly turns to face his client.
This podcast is totally making my day. Deborah, you’re making mine. I have a lot of ego’s content. I’ve given him a lot of money over the years, and I honestly cannot think of the exact reference that you’re making. So, the best I can comment, Deborah, is that maybe you’re referring to something that he may have been doing something similar, yet it may have been something different.
But if that fits into your model, by all means, yes. That’s what we both were doing. But it’s a place of also, uh, I, I can give an example of that nature. I am friendly, I am jovial, I am cracking jokes. The rule in my office is the moment you use, this is a rapport moment. The moment you use profanity in the session I get to as.
That’s the rule. So it’s another rapport mechanism and actually I will use that exact statement with my clients. Well, cool. The moment. Use the profanity I get to as well. So let’s knock this shit out once and for all. That’s what that moment’s about for me. So it’s a rapport building strategy and oh man, is it fantastic.
Side note, I would give you the disclaimer that this next statement I would make, I would only follow this advice if you are a male practitioner. Working with the category we can lovingly refer to as non-organic male impotence, so some sort of erectile or sexual dysfunction that is not medically an issue.
It’s an anxiety issue, it’s a fear issue, it’s an intimacy issue. I’m gonna sit down with that guy and I’m gonna say, You know what, before we get started, , I gotta ask you a simple question. How do you want me to talk about things? Here we can be as clinical as possible, or we can be as conversational. I can use the words you use, or I could use the words your doctor would use.
Which do you feel would help you feel the most comfortable here? And I’ve had people respond in both ways, and that becomes the vernacular in our process. Fill in your wonderful dirty imaginations to imagine what words I’m now using. N I’m not seeing him in the room, but no, I’ve never used the phrase Mr.
Happy in the session. So it’s a moment where, again, there’s a tonal shift in the process where I’m going from friendly, jovial to good, look at my hand, take a nice deep breath in, and I’m having them build rapport now with me. In that I am now the hypnotist directing you through this process. Take control of that experience, Richard.
Thanks for the feedback. Richard is off for a lunch meeting. I’m gonna say it here. Richard is going to interview me for session number 100 of the Work Smart Hypnosis podcast. This is session number 73. So Richard, you got about 27 weeks to come up with some questions. I’ll see you then. So, Building rapport, breaking rapport to regain it.
It’s not just do these things to make, you know, like, and trust me. That being said, and Richard said all crap. Uh, that being said, let me share with you a final thought before we tie this thread up, which is that of all of the strategies of all of the techniques that we could know, there’s a beautiful strategy that I learned.
from my career working in, uh, theatrical management inside of the politics arena. It’s amazing how things are so wonderfully polarized, aren’t they? You know, let me turn on the political debate and, uh, let me hear the two candidates yell at each other for an hour and a half and let me leave, only patting myself on the back how much I still agree with the candidate that I was already gonna vote for.
It’s why it’s just such a better idea to just not engage. Opinions are like, fill in the blank. Everybody has one. So it’s a place where, um, I may be politically snarky sometimes and uh, post some things on occasion within respect of not actually doing a personal attack, but it’s a place where, again, let’s all argue and leave agreeing with ourselves from the beginning.
That’s the danger of political arguments. I give you that as a back. , which I tell you the story of. Here’s a friend of mine who was also a theatrical stage manager that, in her words was violently Republican. The, that was her terminology, and she was fuming. That hero was this political fundraiser that was, she was managing and as part of her responsibilities, she had to be a handler for former president Bill Clinton.
The balloon Master , look it up. So she’s having to be his handler and she is angry because, I mean, there’s politicians at this event from Republican, from independent, from Democratic, there’s TV anchors, anybody and everybody was at this event. It was the outgoing celebration fundraiser for someone involved with the local university who had a bit of a political slap to him.
He worked across both parties and that’s why everybody was there. It was an awesome event. We’ll leave out the senator who walked off the stage at this presentation and I got to catch him in my arms and hold this senator in my arms like a baby stories privately on that one. So it’s a moment where she is fuming.
I don’t wanna deal with that man. And it’s a moment where later on. She goes, You know what? He opened his mouth and he began to talk to me, Bill Clinton. And she goes, And I was the only person in the world. And she goes, In that moment, I got it. And she wasn’t referring to this scandal. She wasn’t referring to how he got elected twice.
She wasn’t referring to how, I mean, he’s the guy who on the Arsenio Hall show got up, put on the sunglasses, played the, uh, saxophone and broke that standard. You know, it’s why everyone on the internet is sharing these viral videos of here he was, the Democratic National Convention playing with balloons.
I mean, cuz at that point, he’s your favorite grandpa. and politics aside, that’s what that moment became. Um, I’ll leave out the person in the room cause I don’t know if you’re still here and I don’t know if it’s private data, but someone who is on the live stream of this has spent some time around, Let’s go to the other political side, Sarah Palin and family.
And it’s a moment where politically I know and someone else I know has the same story. So it’s not the person who’s in the. goes, Here’s everything I thought and I was working this event, this uh, thing, and she was there and suddenly I was the only person in the world. Why do I bring these stories up?
It’s not just politicians, cuz I’ve worked with actors, I’ve worked with big name people, I’ve had sports celebrities, which I don’t know who the hell they are here in my office. It’s that moment of what is the most empowering rapport strategy you can use. It’s not mirroring. It’s not matching. I’m not gonna even get into this game of crossover is better than, than a time delay, or this is better than that.
It’s instead to work from the assumption, the pre opposition, we already have it. As you walk into my room, as you call me up, as you’re in my classroom, as I’m interacting with you, even if it’s a Facebook message. You were the most important person to be in the world right now. Richard, Deborah, Everybody in the room.
I don’t know how to actually see who all is here, but it’s a place of, again, in that moment, I am projecting that rapport on you. , I am copying and pasting that rapport, whether it’s the college friend, whether it’s the family member, it’s the model of how I’ve launched into a hypnotic metaphor a little while ago.
It’s the question of what is this like or who is this person like? And by doing that, it allows you to step into your own organic hypnotic rapport strategies and all this stuff becomes natural. It’s a former client, student of mine who also took some workshops with someone else in the local area, uh, before he moved, and it was like a brief workshop on hypnotic rapport strategies.
And she says, I loved it, yet I haven’t had time to practice. To which my question was, she’s someone who is rather affluent and rather productive and rather prominent in the area as a multi-level marketing person representing actually a pretty good product that I’ve got the skincare lotion over there for abo, I really like it.
Uh, I only have a sales license for it cuz then it helps us to buy the kids shampoo for cheaper and the suntan lotion as well. That’s all we get from them these days. , here she is. To which I asked the question of aren’t you interacting with people all day? So the bigger picture lesson I want you to take from this Rethinking Rapport program is that how do you become unstoppable at hypnotic rapport?
Do it all the time. Do it with people that you’re meeting. Do it with people that you’re interacting with and know it isn’t a strategy necessarily. To get things that you want from people around you to get people to buy your shiny trinkets that they normally wouldn’t buy. Although I could share, Uh, Matthew said once again, Awesome.
Gotta go. You got rapport. Matthew, you and I were already in rapport. We need to hang out. It’s been some time you’re local, but it’s been a while since we’ve hung out. Then again, I haven’t done as many meetups. Here’s our stream these days. So project that rapport onto those people in front of you as if you already had it.
Now, of course there are exceptions to this, and they’re quite obvious to you. Yet, as you step into that rapport, it’s going to organically create it. And again, to tie up the loop from before is not necessarily a mechanism to get people to know, like, and trust. , although briefly I’d share two anecdotes that happened yesterday and today.
The first one I pulled off the unthinkable, the NG convention. I’m, uh, heading up there next week. By the time this launches as a podcast session, the NGH convention will have already passed. So for those of you that I met there, awesome meeting you there. So I just woke up Wednesday morning and just decided I don’t wanna fly.
It’s a seven hour drive. I’m shipping a bunch of stuff this year for my bookstore exhibit hall table. I wanna visit some people in New Jersey along the way. I wanna drive and if you’ve ever tried to cancel a flight, you have to like show a death certificate. You have to show a medical doctor letter to get that refunded.
And I just called up and just, I started to match the tonality of the woman on the phone and just, I was brutally. You know what? I’ve only been flying with you for three years. I’ve paid for these specific upgrades. We’ve got these upcoming trips. I’m going to another convention in a couple of weeks on flying to Vegas on that one.
I’ve got this many air line miles. The flight is already booked. Solid. So you’re gonna fill that spot. I just don’t want to get on that plane. I’d rather drive it. Can I get a refund please? And I was kind of matching her tonality that she had used when previously she had gone. Well, hang on just a few moments.
My computer’s a little slow today, but if you bear with me, we’ll be able to figure this out. That’s where I went. Now, maybe the simple honesty was enough. Maybe the tonality. What was did it? Either way, I get to put some gas miles on the cards, getting oil change as I speak, just in case an another one, a moment of just a sales interaction.
Being able to return something a few days after it. You know, just that place of connecting that with people. So what is the pace? What speed is this person running at? How can I project that rapport, though again, the aspect of rethinking rapport, How can I break the rapport in such a way that I regain it the way it should have been gained in the first place?
That’s what this program was. To begin to rethink the way you think about hypnosis, I’d encourage all of you to head over to hypnotic workers.com. It’s the entire, as I like to call it, the brain dump of my entire Hypnotherapeutic training library rather than a bunch of smaller products. The moment you’re inside of this program, you get the instant access to everything from inductions to deepeners to change strategies, and several people who are in the room are already inside of it and have already sent me their feedback on the hypnotic workers program.
You still can come train with me here in Virginia, and it’s. Multiple day class over the course of a week. That’s upwards of $2,000. Plus all of the travel expenses, though hypnotic workers is available to you at a very low monthly rate. Get started right away. Start learning. Cancel any time though as you’re in the program, you’re gonna see there’s ongoing webinars.
For those of you that are watching this as this is a going out live on August. Next week, Wednesday, August 10th at 12 noon Eastern Standard Time. It’s a private webinar just for the people in the workers community. I’m gonna be doing a program similar to this with a little bit more interaction called when nothing is working.
What do you do with your hypnosis client when no results are happen? It’s a category that I’ve not heard enough hypnotists talk about, because I think they’re a shame to talk about the moments where it happens. So if you’re with me right now and you wanna be a part of that, sign up for the Hypnotic Workers program if you’re interacting with this afterwards.
Go to the navigation inside of hypnotic workers. There’s a whole past webinars segment where everything is archived. That’s hypnotic workers.com. Thank you so much to everybody who joined me on Facebook Live for this program. Thank you for interacting with the Work Smart Hypnosis podcast. Check out work smart hypnosis.com.
Dozens and dozens of previous sessions that are all. Thanks for listening to the Work Smart Hypnosis Podcast and work smart hypnosis.com. I always tell everyone, hypnosis isn’t just something I do. It’s who I am. Breaking and regaining rapport is a fun exercise I practice in every session I do. Thanks, Jason.
You made me realize I was on the right track. Nj, take your hand. Do one of those. Especially for those of you about to go to conventions. Go to workshops you’ve already been to before. Go to people you already like. Learn from people who disagree with each other. It’s all about taking our education to the next level.
Rethinking rapport. That’s what this program was to get my full work on rethinking Hypnosis. Head over to hypnotic workers.com. I got a client coming in 28 minutes and I gotta eat my lunch. It’s Jason Leded here. I’ll see you next time.