Disclaimer: Transcripts were generated automatically and may contain inaccuracies and errors.
The story. Um, my first introduction to hypnosis was actually, um, I was doing, this was a long time ago, maybe 12 years ago or so, and I had discovered subliminal messaging, audios mm-hmm. , and I was using them to try to better my own life and to feel better about things. And I, it, I thought it was working and I wanted to get into it as well.
Um, but I couldn’t figure out how to learn how to make these. . So in Googling and, and researching ways to affect the mind and change the mind that you could create changes in the body and in the life. I came across hypnosis and I, in, in reading about all of it, I came across erotic hypnosis, which distracted me, and I started to read more about it.
I was like, Oh, wow. Oh my God. I wanna feel those things that erotic hypnosis was describing. So I signed up for a course. I didn’t take it. And, um, eventually, um, I got some, I got a CD or a DVD of power inductions. Yeah. Um, from Mike Mandel, and that’s what actually got me started doing hypnosis. So then what was that intention?
So it began with the quest of here’s something that you found benefit from and then you wanted to do for yourself. Uh, at what point did it transition over to, uh, helping. , at the time I was doing massage therapy. Mm-hmm. . So everything I learned, um, I sort of, I applied to myself and, and for my own troubles.
And then I would apply to clients as well. And so there was a, a dual interest in everything that I did. And the interest was originally in helping them achieve more pain relief and more stress relief than simply giving a massage. Mm-hmm. would study. So that’s where I started to get into, into the mind stuff.
Um, starting with EFT and then faster eft and then hypnosis kind of was the real kicker in terms of making a difference. Got it, got it. So then, uh, the study began in more of a generalized mindset, but then spilled over to the erotic side of it. What was it about that that drew you to it? Uh, it’s always been my favorite subject and I, you know, even though I started as a massage therapist, I never felt the same degree of animosity towards a person.
Natural physical response to getting a massage. Mm-hmm. being nicely being relaxed. Um, you have a response, you know, it’s not personal, it’s just that it feels good. So, um, when I, one day I asked myself what would I do all day, every day if I wasn’t getting paid for it? And that was talking about sex and learning about it and teaching people how to have better.
which is, we are getting into these topics. These are ones that, you know, there’s some organizations that just have a 100%. We don’t condone this style of work though. I hear on your website the centralist.org and in many ways it’s relationship issues, it’s personal issues. How, how would you respond to those that you know would have a strongly held opinion against it?
I usually don’t. Yeah, respond because it’s pervasive. It, it’s everywhere and it in all the big establishments, even when it comes down to credit card processing, I’ve run into a lot of problems because I deal with sexuality. So that’s for them to think and decide, but it doesn’t change that every single person on this earth, even asexual people have, uh, the subject of sexuality to deal with in their.
So it’s important and I just, uh, do it in a different way. Yeah. Outstanding. Outstanding. So then let’s rewind the story then. Uh, really fast forward. In this case, someone is coming into your office or even a couple is coming into your office. How does that process usually take shape with you? He first point of contact is through a contact form on my website.
Because, because it is sexuality, there’s a lot. People contacting me that I really don’t wanna see, I don’t wanna talk to, I don’t want to engage mm-hmm. , because they’re waiting for my time. They’re, they’re not wanting what I’m willing to give or to do for people. So the contact form filters out all of that.
And, you know, they just say who they are. Uh, if, if they can’t say who they are, they also give me a little idea of what they’re dealing with so that I know whether I can help them or not. Mm-hmm. , um, then we exchange an email and they. Online and I, I kind of make it hard for people to book as opposed to making it easy.
Yes. Um, again, because I wanna filter out the people who are just looking for some type of, uh, gratification, right? Not, not that pleasure is wrong or that there’s anything with seeking out a pleasure experience, but there’s types of that and there’s degrees of it. So now they’re in your space. How does the process take shape from.
That really, really depends on, on what they, what they need, what they’re looking for, what their problem is, and um, their comfort level. Because I do a lot of hand on work, so if I get somebody who is not comfortable with me touching their body in any way, shape, form, then this is all verbal and, and the verbal stuff is going to create the sensations in their body and give them the learnings and stuff.
But so much of this has to be hands on in my opinion. Because there’s a learning there that comes from experiencing that you can’t get just from talking about something. So once they’ve experienced something physically a, a sensation, um,
The, the release of their inhibitions. Yes. And, and this sort of understanding, oh, this is what my body is really capable of and I can do it myself. I, it’s not dependent on reacting to something that somebody else is doing. Once they get that, they can take that home. So then inside of that process, how, how are the hypnosis techniques, how are the EFT strategies and anything related fitting.
Well, I, um, in my, before getting into hypnosis, there was a lot of sexual study that I did and I realized that so many of the techniques are all just hypnosis. Everything, your hypnosis, everything from even something as simple as giving and receiving sexually within a relationship. So if you really wanna be a good giver sexually, Then you do exactly the same thing that a good hypnotist does.
You pay attention to your subject, who is your partner, and you respond in every single moment to the nuance, to the different changes in their body and their physiology, and you’re also in uptime. So it’s this dynamic feedback loop between you and the person who is receiving what you’re giving to. And, and the same thing happens if you’re the one who’s receiving or the bigger receiver of the two, because both of you are receiving when something like that is happening.
If you’re a receiver, you’re going into trance, and the deeper you go into trance, the more you’re gonna feel in your body. So it’s kind of following a similar story that you know, most people in some sort of training, whether it’s let’s say hypnosis or an lp, it’s a common bit of feedback that someone’s going, Wow, I was already doing this.
Now I’m just learning how to do it on purpose. Exactly. And it’s doing it on purpose. That is the point, because with couples, people seem to think that sex is supposed to just happen, and desire is supposed to just happen natural. It. Yeah, it does in nature, it does when you’re being exposed to novel mates and, and buying into this whole mating, um, protocol.
But the people that I’m seeing are people who want to be in their relationships. Mm-hmm. , so they’re missing that part, and now they have to deliberately create the types of experiences that they want with each other. Yeah. And, and if I were to simplify it, It’s really just teaching them how to do tra with each other.
So then how much of the work that you do is, uh, let’s say one to one versus here’s a couple within your space? A lot more one to one. Even when I’m seeing a couple, I usually see them separately as well because we hide things from our partner and a lot of times, um, a woman isn’t gonna say the same things to her husband, that she’s gonna tell me about him and her response to.
So I, a lot of times I act as a translator, um, first of all for her because she has a lot of misconceptions about his intentions. And secondly for him, because, uh, a, a really big problem, a really common problem is that women, uh, are unable to communicate their sexual needs. So they do a lot of enduring, mm-hmm.
um, during different types of touch and things aren’t really the way they could. , but they’re not saying so and they’re not, And if they are, they’re not saying so in a way that the man can receive and interpret and turn into action that works for the two of them. So if I get her on the table, for example, and we go through the whole learning sequence of touches on her body, and I’m able to verbalize, um, to the male what she’s.
and give her new words so that she can use new words for the man to act on. Mm-hmm. and vice versa. But it’s more often that than the other way around. I think. Uh, men are u usually not quite as difficult. . Yeah. No. In terms of, again, the, the clarification, I love the mindset that at, at its core, you know, we always come back to communi.
Whether it’s the verbal communication, the physical communication, or even the unconscious processing of that communication that we’re, we’re helping that mindset to communicate in a much more direct way of, you know, this is the actual sensation, this is the actual outcome. This is the actual feeling. Oh, yeah.
Well also, most people kind of operate from this model of, okay, first it’s foreplay. Then there’s intercourse, and then there is, um, they say orgasm. I’m just gonna call it release. Because I don’t think that orgasmic release, um, necessarily is the whole orgasm. And I think you can have orgasms without the release and blah, blah, blah.
But it, it’s not, but there’s missing a step. The first step is getting into state. Once you’re in state, um, in trance, in the sex trance, I call it the sex trance when I’m teaching, then you’re receptive to the touch that your partner’s giving you. Because without that, uh, a woman can spend two hours.
Thinking about things that she’s angry at and, uh, stuff she’s annoyed at and kids and all kinds of things, and not feel a single thing that her partner’s doing or to find it actually annoying. But if she gets into state first, gets into her sex trans, then she can translate all of the touch into things that turn into ecstasy and into things that actually build her arousal or his arousal, because men who have, um, erectile dysfunction do that same thing.
They’ve got the things mulling it all around in their head. And uh, the other part with that is you turn the touch, you give them the ability to more clearly have submodalities. Mm-hmm. . So you’re not just feeling this, you’re actually seeing the sensation as the collar, um, um, on the surface of the skin, but then also inside the body.
And then you expand that, you make it move. Turn it into different things and, and bring it all over your body so that you create this enormous, all encompassing full body experience from just a little bit of. What I love about what you just mentioned is it’s that same mindset that someone often, let’s just say, going through a hypnosis training would go through that.
You know, here are the specific steps. Okay. First there’s the contact, then there’s the foreplay. Then it has to be this step to the same conversation of, Okay, now that I’ve done my induction, I can now do deepeners. Now that I’ve done that, I can now actually talk about why you’re here. It, it’s that similar mindset of, and I love the connection of the intimacy of just the hypnosis session that we’re blending the entire experience together to always achieve that state.
And by doing so, really connect with that result. Really get into the kinesthetics of the change too. Mm-hmm. . And it’s necessary because without it, People often in long term relationships have really bland, unsatisfying sexual experiences when they’re remaining with their partner without outside influence.
Mm-hmm. . So to me, it’s one of the most important parts of long term sex. Got it. Got it. So then is this the pure style of work that you do, or do you find at times the quote standards would come in for, uh, for hypnosis, the weight loss, quitting smoking? Or is this truly that specialty for you? I really just work with sexuality.
Mm-hmm. , So a lot of different types of sexuality, not just that one example that I gave, but it’s all in the sexual sphere. , Um, you know, thing, one of the easiest things that I would do would be premature eja. . Um, that’s pretty, that’s really easy to overcome with . Yeah. And I was on your website too, again, it’s, uh, the website is the centralist.org and, uh, see that you’ve done some work specifically with people who are transgender.
And I love the concept you’ve got here. This subject could be an entire website to itself. Um, I’ve had some experience working with people from that community too. What, what would often be the mindset of the one coming? Uh, with that as part of their, part of their background? Well, this is actually, this subject matter surprised me and is a lot of fun because there’s a whole gamut from people who would consider themselves to be straight, straight mailed in a normal, you know, a normal married to a female who want to develop and experience themselves as a.
Um, and I have a lot more to say on that actually. But all the way over to people who consider themselves possibly, or Yes, for sure. Transgender. And they want that physical experience. Yeah, they want, they want their body to translate in their mind as the body that they believe they should have. And for whatever reason, they don’t wanna get surgery, or maybe they will in the future, but through hypnosis they can have that experience.
Without any chopping and, um, cutting and, and this and that, and it makes it much more powerful for them. So, um, they feel their breasts, like they feel the weight of the tissue on their chest. And, um, they’re experiencing their internal organ. So the male prostate is analogous to the female gpo. They’re feeling their prostate as its g.
It’s not it, it’s a different part of their body, and that’s what it is in their minds when they’re feeling the sens. Yeah, I’d share that. Um, a few times over the years I’ve had someone call, and it’s that moment where the procedure is scheduled and the, the question was, I need to do something to confirm yes or no.
This is the direction that I’m going. And it’s always from the mindset of to be on the ethical side of it, you know, it’s not my position to tell you, yes you should, or no you shouldn’t. However, through some deep trance work, we can get you to those places where you can make some assessments for yourself.
Has always been that dialogue. Just one. For example, one client that I have who started off wanting, just wanting to experience himself as a woman and. For an hour. And then it turned into he wanted to remain a woman for the whole weekend and then re and really, really developed not just the body, but the personality of this.
The woman that he becomes has a completely different personality, different thoughts, different desires, different wants. Um, there’s no cross under attract. . So as a woman, she’s still attracted to females, but what we discovered is that this female personality was actually, um, if, you know, with parts therapy was an ego state of this guy.
And we were able to, and, and because his life was really, really repressed, um, really has a lot of obligation, a lot of responsibility. It’s all work, no play and no pleasure. So this female was an escape. And we were able to map over the aspects, the fun loving aspects, the sensuality, the sexuality, the deservingness, because he didn’t feel that as a man, he was deserving of the same type of attention and sexual pleasure that he was as this fictitious, beautiful, sensual, sexy woman.
So we were able to bring that over and sort of integrate the two personalities so that. He or she, whoever he felt like being in any given day, could enjoy it and not have it interfere with the life that he built because, um, he does have young children and a wife and that wasn’t something that he was willing to share with his family.
So then you mentioned, um, that the category of premature ejaculations tend to be one of the most frequent you work. Yeah, yeah. Walk walk us through what some of the strategies would often be inside of, uh, working with that, please. So, first of all, one of the things physically is that the person, A, a guy who has premature ejaculation is usually really, really tense in his pelvic floor and very not in tune with the nuances of his body.
So getting in tune with that and learning how. You know, relax and contract and have control over the pelvic floor and the upper and lower abs. All of those little muscles I is very important. And secondly, how to go into a trance. So when he sexually engages, whether that is making out or having full on intercourse, when he sexually engages, he automatically goes into this trance where he heightens his awareness.
Of his arousal so he can keep his arousal at a seven, for example. Seven is a nice, safe love. If 9.5 was the point of no return, then a seven is a safe place where he’s still feeling really good, still very aroused, but he’s not gonna go over the edge. So in that trance, again, whether he’s making out or whether he’s actually inside his partner, um, he can keep himself at that seven through a variety of techniques of visual.
um, conscious relaxation of the body and also host tic suggestion, and this is my favorite one, is you make it so that they won’t actually ejaculate until they clench their jaw. So it’s almost like a, it’s a trigger. Yeah. And they can, they can do all kinds of things. They can be aroused as they wanna be aroused, but the trigger’s not gonna be pulled until they clench their jaw, which isn’t stupid, you know, like trying to press a button on your, for.
And, and then they can release. and that helps them. So, so these different techniques help them to last longer. Yeah. What I, what I love about that dialogue there is that, again, it kind of came back to what I mentioned before, that as I interact with people who are involved on the, on the, uh, erotic side of hypnosis, anything of a sensual nature, it’s again, getting into the kinesthetics, getting into the actual feeling that.
I, I’d point to the flaw of, let’s put it in the category of the person as a hypnotist working with a fear, and let’s really oversimplify this example. They’re just simply reading scripts around the safety of the airplane and how much safer they’re gonna feel, where we’re trying to hit things away at that logic level, as opposed to delving into those sub modalities, delving into those sensations.
That to unpack everything you just explained, That becomes a similar strategy in some respect to how I work with that person who’s coming here for, um, for having a sweet tooth. They want to eat less sugary foods that one school of thought would say, Oh, tell them it’s gonna taste terrible. Or to map that across to what some people would expect for the client who’s coming in for premature eja.
Oh, remove the sensation and instead, I love that you’re heightening that sensation and by doing so, building that control, building that mechanism that now it’s their choice. So it relates to how I’d work with someone for weight loss. The quick anecdote is telling a woman, Yes, we’re going to increase your enjoyment of these uh, sugary foods.
And by doing so, you’re gonna have control over it and be satisfied with less. Now she looks at me in that moment and goes, In her language, you’re gonna make the fat lady like food more. Are you crazy? And she’s now down about 50 or 60 pounds at this point. So clearly it’s working. So I love that intention though of instead of negating what’s there, heightening what is there, and then putting it into use.
That’s fantastic. . The heightening thing is so important because so many people have these habits of trying and failing. Of course, not to think of sexy things while they’re having sex. Well, in doing so, they’re totally disconnecting from their own bodies and they’re disconnecting from their partner too.
So yes, I do have them avoid fantasizing about trigger images. That’s a big one. I, I forgot to put that in there. That’s important because a lot of people have certain triggers. So keep the triggers away from them. And when you say trigger images, can you elaborate on that? Um, a certain scenario of, for example, imagining ejaculating on a pair of breasts.
Got it. That, that could a positive image as opposed to the old, uh oh, just think about baseball . Yeah. Yeah. But, but there’s, so that’s a thing that would send them over the edge normally. And that’s the type of thing that they’re attracted to start thinking of once they really get going and they really get aroused.
So I have them focus on their body instead of focusing on their trigger fantasies. And another part of this is really, um, here’s another thing that’s a little bit different about my erotic hn than other people’s, is I don’t put people into their fantasies because I think that a lot of our problems, our sexual problems are because we spend too much time in our heads and too much time thinking.
Too much time fantasizing. And not enough time and awareness and um, yeah, I guess awareness is really the word of what’s happening in the body. So bringing them out of the head and into the body instead of creating new fantasies for them to disassociate from their partner with. Which again, I mean the, the working definition of trance that I would often use is just that simple moment where the internal focus carries more meaning than the external focus.
So bringing that attention back into the body, and again, I love the mindset of bringing in that control and, and calibrating the specific measurements to it and then giving the trigger and moving forward. Um, yeah. Are there any other specific categories that you tend to see a lot of work?
the, Yes. The last category, So there’s, the main one was, was, uh, the couples, the pe, pe and erectile dysfunction, which I wanted to ask about. Yeah. And yeah, one is women. Women and their real or perceived problems about their sexual response. So it’s very common for a woman to say, I can’t orgasm with a partner, or, I can’t, you know, it takes me this long to have an orgasm and it’s really frustrating, or I just don’t feel much pleasure in my body.
So that’s another category of people that come in, um, for work. So inside of all of this, just in terms of a structural nature of hypnosis, um, how much of it would you say often dips into the quote, find the cause and release it model, as opposed to, here’s where you are now, let’s empower it forward, Or is it a bit of a mix depending on the individual?
It’s a mix. It’s not that much of find the cause. Um, sometimes when there’s trauma. Uh, that has to be released, but a lot of it is teaching people that they are the ones that can control their sexual energy and that have the ability to really build and cultivate it. It’s not a, an unconscious. Reactivity or, or reaction to something else that’s outside of their control.
Mm-hmm. , because when you, when you rely on that external stimuli to just sort of, Oh, I’m reacting to this hot person. I’m reacting to that. I’m reacting because I’ve had a glass of wine and the house is clean and my husband has spent like four days being nice to me so that I can finally get in the mood.
That’s really disempowered state, and it’s not very erotic and it’s not very satisfying for anybody because he’s getting fed up too. So. Teaching people that they are in the, they’re the ones that are in control of their pleasure and how to do that. Got it, Got it. So this, uh, this interaction came about from, uh, something you’d interacted with inside of some of my training material.
Uh, though, before we kind of go into that topic, I. There, there’s a category of working with clients that respectfully, I, I dislike this though. I find it’s really empowering and what I’m getting at is that quote, it’s always the same old thing. Uh, yes, there’s always exceptions and here’s some examples of it, which would be, I see a lot of teenage gymnasts as clients and the phone rings and without fail, it’s a fear flipping backwards.
I work with the baseball player and assuming, A batter. It’s the fear of being hit by the pitch. Um, it’s the person coming in to quit smoking, and I find out, uh, that, uh, the spouse, the baby is on the way and he’s here in the office. And you fall into some routines. Do, do you tend to find that there’s some similarities in terms of at least the, the foundation of the expectation going into with process, with any of these?
No, not yet. Yeah. Um, I think that, I think that because the sexuality arena is not very accepted, that there’s a lot of differences for me. So I get a huge variety of clients and needs and. The only thing I would say that would maybe sometimes fall into a routine is if somebody has, um, been seeing me for a very long time and, and they’re coming specifically for their own stress relief and pleasure experience because in the hypnotic process, they’re feeling things that they’ve never felt before and it’s great and sometimes they get into.
I’m gonna call it a rut. Mm-hmm. , because I like it, but it’s, Oh my God, I’ve, Oh, it was so great and every time is better and I, I can’t wait to see what you come up with next. And I’m like, Okay, . Okay. Top that one. Take a little break and start integrating this into the real world because, um, I, I feel like I’m being used as a crutch at that point.
Yeah. So it always comes back to empowering the individual. Yes. Yeah. There’s a, there’s a pattern that I often see in any kind of peak performance work, where sometimes it does begin with the, I’m going to help you to create the sensation. I’m gonna help you to create this empowered state of mind. And then once it’s at its peak, there’s the transfer back to the individual.
So it builds that independence within the client rather than the dependence back upon the practitioner. Yes. And that’s really, really important because I think once you start building dependency, that’s when it becomes unethical. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. So we were, uh, chatting, uh, by way of email than Facebook Messenger, uh, of a couple of certain issues.
Um, I, I’d share a couple of thoughts kicking into this, that some of the similar, you know, uh, mindsets going into this. You know, I’m always, at least in terms of the, the law and ethics of things over here in the us the question often begins with, um, have you seen a doctor for this? There was a client that had called me.
and the scenario was, uh, the issue was difficulty with arousal. Arousal, difficulty with the climax. And I’m asking him, Have you mentioned this to a doctor? And he goes, No, they’re just gonna convinced me I’m crazy. And I’m telling him there might be a more. Appropriate route for this. And he finally goes, Okay, I’ll go that route.
And long story short, um, whatever, I don’t know the physiology of the terminology of this, but whatever, uh, things should have been about the size opened up of a, uh, you know, small hose was kind of like the, uh, garden hose that had been tied to knots. Quick outpatient procedure. I got a nice thank you email going.
As he put it with a big smile on the message. Thank you so much for not hypnotizing me. There was a much more direct route for this. I wish I listened to you earlier. So are, are there filters, first of all, inside of your work to make sure that, uh, quote the, um, you know, the medical side of it is satisfied with the work you’re doing?
Yeah, I have, you know, I have a, a big intake. I ask them all kinds of questions, including what they’ve done and lifestyle questions because you can tell a lot. Whether something is a problem of lifestyle versus in your head, how it manifests. How it manifests on their own versus with a partner. So, and most of them have been to doctors and try different medications and either don’t wanna be on the medications or just don’t like how it makes them feel.
Mm-hmm. , So I’m, I’m, What happens after, Right. The medical intervention. . Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So you had a question that was, uh, for me that you had sent me. Yes. Um, my question now, you had mentioned in one of your trainings it was regression training, which is something that’s new for me. Um, mentioned going back to cause for a man who has non-organic importance and going back to a time where he had the.
To have natural, strong, healthy, uh, erections that weren’t interfered with by anything. And to map that over into the now. And my question was how do you bring that. Into the now and make it stick. Yeah. And the, the mindset that I’d share with this is that, again, I, I try not to fall into the patterns of similar experiences though.
Let’s go back for a moment. The one coming in for issues with premature ejaculation. At some point, possibly, again, note the word, possibly there was some benefit to finishing. And, you know, in that respect, bringing them into the moment, bringing them into the experience and the work that I’ve done has been rather similar inside of what you’ve, uh, what you’ve mentioned there, I have default in an incredibly, uh, insightful, empowering, yet inappropriate anecdote.
Though of, I worked with a guy who came in for premature ejaculation. His doctor signed off and goes, Yeah, go for it. They’ve tried medications and maybe it’s in my head. That was the intention to reach out to me as the hypnotist in terms of our process. We did a couple of sessions on that, and he described it as maybe 80% improvement, at which point he goes, You know, that’s, that’s good enough.
Hey, could I work with you on this other thing involving my confidence with my public speaking and my business. So we’ve now pivoted over to quote a more standard, uh, type thing in terms of what most people would expect with hypnosis. At which point there’s rapport, which is usually my way of telling a story and mentioning something interesting’s about to come next in the story, uh, where we’re like five sessions and we’re now in a different issue.
And I just had to offhand drop the phrase and the, the preframe to this is that whenever someone coming in for something of a sexual nature, First step of rapport. What type of terminology do you want me to use? Do you want me to talk about things the way you talk about it or the way your doctor would talk about it?
How would you feel the most comfortable? So for him, he goes, Yeah, the way that I talk about it. So at this point, I knew I had the rapport to throw off a quick joke of I’ll change the name. Hey, you know what, Bill, for a guy whose issue was finishing too early, I’d at least expect you to show up to your sessions on time
And he just stares me down and he goes, I need you to understand. That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week. I just am still processing that you actually went there, which the anecdote is the next week the issue had been completely eradicated. So something about the pattern interrupt of some off color humor, um, with the appropriate rapport was what got there now.
So your question. Using regression. It comes back to my key phrase with regression. That regression is not just about finding the cause, it’s an entire toolkit of strategies that only one specific subcategory of is that find the ise, do the informed child, pace it forward. So it it’s as simple as the standard.
Affect bridge into the counting backwards regression, which comes about from a terminology that I’ve only just recently coined, cuz we always have that intention to thingify what we do that in nlp, we talk about truisms of saying things that are undeniably true as a pacing statement to lead towards the true, uh, true statement that you always knew at some point you’d quit smoking, otherwise you wouldn’t have.
Something of that nature and the truism that I’d use here, which would be that that feeling you’re here to create is inside of you. Otherwise you would not know you wanted it. . So that tends to negate for me, the person in other categories of, I’ve never felt confident, I’ve never been happy. I don’t know if I can do this.
That the phrase becomes, This feeling is already there inside of you. Otherwise, you would not know you wanted it. You would not know what it should feel like as you achieve it. And focus on that feeling now as one, begin to bring up that sense of, uh, excitement, that sense of arousal inside of you. Two, allowing the mind and body to remember to remember these sensations.
Three, building it up even greater, even stronger. Four and five. As you focus on that feeling, follow that back to a significant moment where you felt that, where you felt that sexual feeling. Something of that nature. So I’m heightening it in that experience. The, the anecdote to this. is that it kind of falls into the same category of challenge, that doing a safe place process would often have that suddenly they’re back on the porch with grandma.
She’s in the rocking chair telling a story. Yet now the analytical mind kicks in and they’re thinking, Is it okay that I’m thinking of this experience with grandma and my feeling of comfort and happiness? Because grandma died 10 years ago and that’s now a sad memory. So there’s a little nuance to this where I have default in another as if truism, which would be that position of simply stating, and you can allow the experience around you to fade away the location, the partner as well, and simply go inside of your internal experience with this feeling that’s possible within.
So that way I’m negating, what if it’s quote, the one that got away? What if it’s the one that broke their heart? What if it’s the one that, who knows what the backstory would be? It’s simply going, as you mentioned before, into those submodalities of that experience and helping them to revivify that experience from their internal representations, which again, The, the, the mapping across.
This is the same strategy that I’d use with the lawyer who was in my office, who was losing its confidence in his closing statements and bringing him to a moment that was the peak of his confidence, where there he was in high school winning the basketball game. Here’s the moment where someone is wanting to.
Increase their drive towards exercise and here they are revivifying back to the moment as a kid and they’re running out in the field for hours and hours playing soccer and having a great time, and they weren’t yet labeling that as exercise. So it’s bringing them back to that place where that sensation was there before.
Uh, it’s a straightforward process. That little pre-frames though, are again that this feeling is inside of you. Otherwise you wouldn’t know you want it. And I found it’s important at times to pull away the experience of the external reality, which I share. Another quick anecdote before we kind of bring this back to a conversation form, um, of all things here was a guy who, as he put it, I have no issue by myself.
Yet when there’s someone else there, then the arousal becomes a challenge. Then the climax becomes a challenge, and rather than penalize the mindset of the self pleasure, instead bringing him into that moment, harnessing those sub modalities and mapping it across now to his wife of many years, and heightening that awareness because again, you have that resource already there inside of you.
That was a lot of information, . My brain’s processing it right now. Yeah. So again, it comes back to, I mean, at its core, a standard approach of let’s draw out that resource. Let’s draw out that ability when it’s at its peak, and it’s almost to the mindset of bringing them to the place where that pleasure sensation is at its height.
And then amping that up by way of an affect bridge. As I count forward, this thing increases more and more, and as you’re observing the client and calibrating that you’ve got something there, and as you focus on that feeling, bring that now into that moment. Be there, you’re there with your wife. And again, we’re now heightening the awareness of all the sensory specific things that are going to be there and establishing these triggers by way of that environment of there they are with that partner.
I mean, again, Back to the person who would have a strongly held opinion against some of the style of work. I’m actually now describing the exact session I did with a concert pianist, a professional piano player that she works with orchestra. She performs at these elite events, and as she said, I feel like I’ve lost the passion for playing piano.
she gave me the roadmap and that statement to go, We’ve gotta bring her back into that passion, excite that pathway in the mind and bring it back to the experience of sitting there on that bench, the fingers on the keys, the sounds of the, of the notes playing, and just revitalize that pattern. I mean, to, to credit the hypnotist down in Tennessee, Ron Eslinger to quote, help somebody to remember, to remember what normal once was.
So whether it’s erotic hypnosis, whether it’s the piano player, whether it’s the lawyer in the courtroom, we’re talking about reinvigorating these empowered states of mind, these empowered states of body, and giving them that ability to once again, remember what normal once was. And while we’re there, let’s heighten it too.
So you’re, so after you revivified, you future pace them into a now. Um, Potential now experience, but you’ve brought in the same excitement and sensations. Into that. Into that experience. Yes, absolutely. And it’s where, you know, we can look at it back to the school of thought that I’ve learned from by lineage of folks like John Overdr and then down to Melissa Tier and Sean Carson, Sarah Carson, Jess Marion, the the Meta model for change Met Pattern for Change of.
What’s the situation? How would you rather feel, go into that situation where you felt that way, and now bring that into this experience? It’s where in the NLP model, the toggling back and forth between the associated and disassociated states. So it’s that quick step over from one to the other. They’re revivifying the experience and now.
Be there. You’re in the situation with your wife now, be there. You’re in that situation playing piano and this toggling back and forth of back into the sensual experience and now pulling that forward into the situation where they want that to be there once again. . So it’s it’s future pacing, it’s present pacing.
It’s, is that a word? Uh, it’s bringing that into the, now that, again, just because they have the ability to revivify it, that is a skill set that the more I toggle that back and forth, they can bring that confidence, they can bring that ability. At their queue, right? So it’s the other little bit of playful phrasing that, uh, because I’m someone who cannot stay awake during most, uh, during most science fiction, uh, I now call a strategy that I use the Schwartz technique, uh, because I can’t keep track of the force with Star Wars, but I can quote every line of Mel Brooks as space balls.
Uh, the Schwartz was always strong with this one, that as soon as we’ve established an anchor or a trigger, We should also then establish the ability for the need for that to completely fall away. Because the Schwartz was always strong within you. Oh yeah. . Is that helpful? Yes, it was extremely helpful. And um, actually now that you’ve said all of that, I was already doing that with my gender bending clients.
I somehow hadn’t translated that properly into the organic or inorganic important. Procedure that I had been, uh, working with. So that was wonderful. Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So what, what direction do you see this line of work going? What direction do you see it moving forward? Uh, in the future?
I feel a lot more people using it and being comfortable with the subject of sexuality because one thing I’ve noticed right now is how many, for example, female hypnotists, um, when have. There’s a lot of fuss and flurry and oh my God, he actually asked, he said that word to you. And there’s a lot of negativity around people who have sexual requests.
And I’m talking for help . I’m just, I’m not saying, Oh yeah. Will you, will you say something erotically provocative to me on the phone? So I think that it will be a bigger thing in the future for more people as it Oh, it becomes normal and. Oh, it’s the same process that I’m using for other people and in different categories.
I’m just using different words and, and referring to a different part of the body. So that’s one thing. And for myself, um, I really like the couple’s work. I find it really satisfying. So I’m working on some projects now to, um, have a specific project for couples to make love better and, um, get involved with them.
Outstanding. So Fraya, where could people find out about you online? Uh, the best place is on my website, www.essentialist.org. And uh, feel free to send me a message or contact me on Facebook. My Facebook is fray and norden and I’m happy to receive any messages. Outstanding. It’s been wonderful having you on here.
Thanks for having me, Jason. Absolutely. See you soon. All right, take care.